Are you a “Bad Mom” or a “Good Mom”? New movie has us thinking

The movie “Bad Moms,” which comes out tomorrow (read my review here), divides up moms into two kinds: Good Moms and Bad Moms.

Mila Kunis’ character Amy says that with all the expectations placed on moms it’s impossible to be a good mom today. “So let’s be bad moms.”

Here’s basically how these two categories get divided up:

Christina Applegate, Jada Pinkett Smith and Annie Mumolo in a scene from, "Bad Moms." (STX Productions)

Christina Applegate, Jada Pinkett Smith and Annie Mumolo in a scene from, “Bad Moms.” (STX Productions)

Good Moms represented by Gwendolyn (Christina Applegate) and Co.

  • Make her profession motherhood
  • Lead the PTA with strict authority
  • Are never late
  • Never have anything go wrong with them (at least not in public)
  • Surround themselves only with like-minded moms
  • Judge other moms who don’t live up to their standards
  • Always have breakfast, lunch and dinner made
  • Do their children’s homework for them
  • Overschedule their children
  • Control all aspects of the school, including extra curriculars like sports teams
  • Make it to every child-centered event
  • Never would give their child anything with preservatives or allergens like wheat, dairy, peanuts or eggs
  • Never have time for themselves
  • Never spend quality time with their children
  • Are supportive, subserviant wives
  • Use black mail and threats to help their children get ahead
  • Bully other moms, teachers and students
  • Have no moral guidelines for themselves, but plenty for others
  • Would never let loose
  • Drive the SUV or minivan
Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn in a scene from, "Bad Moms." (Michele K. Short/STX Productions)

Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell and Kathryn Hahn in a scene from, “Bad Moms.” (Michele K. Short/STX Productions)

Bad Moms represented by Amy (Mila Kunis) and Co.

  • Have a career
  • Don’t take any @#$% at work or at home
  • Are always running late
  • Have things go wrong in life like a sick dog or a spilled coffee
  • Make friends with different types of women
  • Don’t judge other moms (unless those moms go all judge-y on them)
  • Let their children figure out how to make breakfast, lunch and dinner
  • Don’t do their children’s homework
  • Don’t over schedule their children
  • Don’t intervene when the coach doesn’t put their child in
  • Don’t always make it to every child-centered event
  • Show up at the bake sale with store-bought, preservative-loaded baked goods
  • Take time for themselves
  • Take time for one-on-one dates with their children
  • Stand up to spouses that aren’t sharing the parenting
  • Let their children fight their own battles
  • Try to get along with everyone (except the anointed Good Moms, who could get along with them?)
  • Have strong moral guidelines
  • Drink, sometimes too much
  • Drive the seat belt-free red vintage convertible

Being a Bad Mom seems a lot better deal (except the drinking too much and the no-seat belt convertible).

Of course, “Bad Moms” should never be your guide.

There are many things in this movie that most moms would never do:

Destroy a grocery store late at night on a drunken binge

Drink and drive

Repeatedly go out at night, leaving their children …. where are the children?

Bring home a guy before the divorce papers are even considered

Not have seat belts for themselves or their children

Not show up at work and then be surprised when you get fired